After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
