Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
