Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
