i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
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