after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
