If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
