I hate all girls vehemently.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
