She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
