the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
