I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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