I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
