Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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