It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
