if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
