it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
