video games are the ultimate cock blocker
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
