I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
