I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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