Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
