And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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