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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
