i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
