I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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