i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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