I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
