So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
