I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
