i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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