Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
