Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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