just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
