Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
