Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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