I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
should my penis look like a turkey
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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