I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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