I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
