You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You're like the curious george of whores
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
MIDGETS
????
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
