You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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