So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
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