She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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