Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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