Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
