She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
