Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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