thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
