So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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