I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
