3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
