My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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