last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
