Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
this boner is exhausting
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
